Morning After
by BuiltOnHope
Summary: RebelCaptain Modern-AU - A collection of mornings that changed government agent, Cassian Andor's life through his ever-shifting relationship with the former criminal, Jyn Erso.
1. Recruitment - July 7, 2014

The steam from a cheap cup of coffee fogged the windshield. Cassian Andor took the cup in one calloused hand and lifted it to his lips. His dark, ever-watchful eyes never left the building across the street. The burning liquid slid down his throat, searing his mouth and esophagus, but he needed it that way. He'd been awake for 58 hours, and he didn't plan to break that streak until Little Miss Suspect was behind a table in an interrogation room.

The passenger door of the black Chevy Trail Blazer opened and a tall, lanky figured slid into the seat before closing the door a little too loudly. Cassian tore his gaze from his target's location long enough to give Kay Tuesso a reproachful glare.

"Please," Kay said unrepentantly, his British accent dripping with sarcasm. "It's 2:00 in the morning. Every sane person is asleep."

"And that rules us out," Cassian replied, knowing exactly where his partner was going with this. "Erso isn't exactly sane either, Kay. She could move at any second."

"If she's half the criminal that all the reports say, she'll peg this car in an instant and slip out the back."

"Where Kes Dameron will nail her. We've got her surrounded. She can't escape this time."

Silence descended like a cloud. Cassian preferred silence anyway. It was blank and grey and meaningless. Kay, however, hated silence, and seemed determined to break it whenever he could.

"Why are we bringing her in now, anyway? When we left, you said, 'Kay, pack your bags. We're nailing Erso.' You still haven't explained."

Cassian was sorely tempted not to explain at all. Kay was a brand new field agent, untested out in the world, where the real job was. Kay was a strategist by nature and profession both. Cassian had worked with him numerous times on countless operations, and Kay's quick-thinking and ability to run scenarios through his head like it was a computer had saved his life more than once. He'd suggested that Kay be moved to the role of field agent after Maria Clarke had been killed a month back. This was Kay's first official assignment for REBELLION, the United States' clandestine organization, kept from both other governments and the American populace.

"Isn't this a job for the police?" Kay demanded. "What's REBELLION doing after this girl at all? She's mostly small-time, some bigger heists, but nothing that we should be concerned about. What's this all about, Cassian?"

Cassian drew a deep breath and let it out. "She's got a contact," he said. He could feel Kay's eyes burning a hole in his head, so he continued. "Saw Gerrera. Free-lance merc with a private army. Two days ago he captured a man by the name of Bodhi Rook, a defector from the Taliban. Word has it Rook was pretty close to some high-up leaders of the terrorist bases in Afghanistan and Iraq. Transported machinery and weapons back and forth."

Cassian paused, unsure of whether or not to reveal the rest to Kay yet. He mentally weighted the pros and cons, and decided to take a chance. "Rook's saying the Taliban are making a biological weapon with the capacity to wipe out whatever group of people they choose… on a global scale. We're talking actual world domination here. We're after Erso because she's our ticket into Gerrera's camp, and the defector."

"Sounds simple when you say it like that," Kay said sardonically.

Cassian felt the corner of his mouth twitch. Kay had a remarkable ability to take information like that with philosophical sarcasm. "World domination doesn't send a shiver down your spine?" Cassian asked.

"I've seen you interrogate criminals without your morning coffee. Nothing shivers my spine anymore."

Cassian felt his mouth twitch again. How true that was. He opened his mouth to respond when an urgent voice called him from the radio at his side.

 _"Andor! Erso's made a break for it! She's heading West on Cotswald!"_

Cassian knew he didn't have time to respond. He shoved the car door open and jumped out. Brown hair and a boot disappearing around a corner caught his eye, and he took off.

"CUT HER OFF ON WESTOVER!" he bellowed to Kay as he tore after the target.

The street was lighted by streetlamps spaced too far apart. He saw the small frame of the assailant sprinting several yards in front of him. One thing was certain: she was _fast_. Wisps of brown hair flew behind her as she disappeared and reappeared between the light of the lampposts.

The pavement smacked against his boots as Cassian pushed himself harder. His right hand felt for his pistol, and he pushed the thought away. He could hit her, he was sure of that, but where he hit her was another question. They needed her. She could neither escape, nor be killed.

Draven and Mothma would both have his head on a spike if he shot this woman. He pushed himself harder.

The ground between them closed. He saw her duck into a side alley, and he bolted after her. He rounded the tight corner. A sharp blow struck him, knocking him down. A stab of throbbing pain shot through his head, repeating the dull blasts of what was the aftermath of a hard hit. Stinging pain and a trickle of liquid told him his forehead above his eyebrow had been cut. A board with nails sticking out of it was thrown to the ground and a pair of feet scampered off into the darkness.

Cassian got up and pursued. He could hear her heavy breathing and her light footfalls. His own heartbeat drummed through his ears. He blinked blood out of his eye, wiped at it. He didn't take time to feel the sensations of the hit. He pushed himself even harder. The distance was closing again. In a few seconds, he knew that he could catch her with a dive. He didn't risk it. She was too quick. She'd just jump away.

Light at the end of the alley told him they were approaching Westover Avenue. He watched the silhouette in front of him get closer to it. Erso glanced over her shoulder and sensed that something was wrong a moment too late. Two hands caught her by her shirt collar. Using her momentum, Kay swung her around and slammed her against the pavement.

Cassian was there in a moment. He stared down at her, panting hard, and wiped at the stream of blood.

"Congratulations," Kay said mockingly, "you are being rescued. Please do not resist."

Jyn Erso looked stunned. She was breathing hard, and blinked several times. Kay kept a hand on her shoulder, pinning her down, but Cassian didn't trust that he could keep her there when the shock wore off. He brushed Kay aside, yanked the girl up, and shoved her against the nearest wall. He pressed his knee into her back and unclipped the handcuffs from his belt.

Erso whirled around, but Kay stopped her with a hard blow to her jaw. Something like a twinge of remorse clenched Cassian's chest, but he ignored it. He pushed her against the bricks again and bound her wrists together. He turned her around and pinned her back against the wall, hands on her upper arms, so he could get a reading on her.

"Call it in," he told Kay, his eyes never leaving the girl's face.

Jyn Erso would have been stunningly beautiful if not for the beginning of a bruise on her jaw and the black eye. There was a wild look in her eyes, a _need;_ for what, Cassian could only guess. She snarled like a caged animal. It was sad really. Something inside him reached out to her, _felt_ for her. He pushed the absurd feeling down, and made sure his expression was hardened.

"What do you want with me!?" she demanded.

"Take it easy," Cassian said, keeping his voice calm and even, despite the temptation to punch her. He blinked more blood out of his eye. "Cooperate, and we won't hurt you."

She scoffed. "Your pet brute already has!"

"Look at Cassian's eye-" Kay began, but Cassian threw him a warning look, effectively shutting him up. Giving this woman any information was like giving a tiger a key to its cage.

Her eyes snapped from Kay to Cassian, and she smirked. Not a nice smile at all and one that didn't suit her. "Cassian," she said, mockingly, "I can tell you're not the kind of man who likes hurting women. So let me go. I'll make it worth your while."

Cassian merely shook his head, asking himself what a woman like her could possibly offer a guy like him. Ignoring the temptation to ask her, he said, "Sorry, Miss Erso, but you're coming with us."

As if they'd planned it that way, Kes Dameron and his partner, Lance Drimmer, pulled up in an old Ford. Cassian pulled Erso away from the wall and hauled her to the car. She tried to get away, but he strengthened his grip on her and shoved her into the back seat. Dameron locked her in, and turned to Cassian.

"Great girl," he said sarcastically. He nodded to the cut above Cassian's eye. "Likes it rough, apparently."

"Good luck," Kay said. "Don't let her highjack the car."

"We know what we're doing," Lance Drimmer promised.

"Knock her out if you have to," Cassian ordered, "but _only_ if you have to. She's sustained enough head trauma already."

"From the looks of it, you have, too." Dameron smirked at him. "Meet you two back at base."

Cassian watched the two other agents file into the car, Dameron in back with Drimmer driving. The car pulled away and out of sight. Selfishly, Cassian was glad he wasn't transporting her. The image of her crazed eyes and tangled hair drifted through his vision, blocking out the road and the city and everything else. She was a wild one; that was for sure. If she didn't help with this operation, they were sunk, and probably the whole world with them. They needed her, and he hated that fact more than he hated himself.

"Mothma will persuade her," Kay said, as if he could read Cassian's thoughts.

Cassian wasn't so sure. He recognized that look in her eyes. Jyn Erso was someone who helped no one but herself. She'd been let down too many times to trust anyone now. He didn't need for her to trust him. He just needed her to help him. But he did need to trust her, and he didn't think he could.

"Let's get back," Kay said.

Without waiting for an answer, he turned and walked back through the darkness. After a moment, Cassian followed him. Kay insisted on driving, and Cassian let him. He finally gave into exhaustion, and slept for the entirety of the four hour drive back to REBELLION base. He knew he'd need every second he could get. Something told him that as long as Jyn Erso was in his life, rest would be a faraway dream.


	2. Hope - July 11, 2014

A nervous sensation fluttered in Cassian's stomach. He was no stranger to this. On the contrary, he was used to it. But this was different. This was more things combined than Cassian had time to think about.

The biological weapon in the hands of the terrorists. The knowledge that the terrorists were going to use that weapon to bring the free world to its knees. This miscellaneous team of no-accounts. The horrible failure to fix everything democratically with a convention. The world left unprotected.

Cassian's internal struggle was over. In only hours, he would be leading a team of mostly amateurs and criminals likely to their deaths. The fate of the world rested in his hands. His shoulders felt the burden, and he tried to straighten his posture to assume the confidence he was so used to faking. It didn't work quite as well this time.

He'd known these people for all of 72 hours. Some even less. His team was made up of a transformed strategist, a Taliban defector, a religious monk, an old warrior, and the woman with that terrifying _need_ in her eyes. Of all of them, Jyn unsettled him the most. What was even more unsettling was the fact that he trusted her. He trusted that she knew what she was doing, that she'd have his back. He trusted all of them, he realized.

They all operated with the same currency: conviction. They'd pay for the protection of the world with their very lives if they had to. For all their differences, they had that in common. What mattered was the plans for this biological weapon, this "star of death", as the defector had described it. Everything all of them had ever done came to this one operation, and Cassian was not confident they'd succeed.

 _But they had to try._

Never before had he felt such tremendous pressure. He tried to ignore it. It didn't work. So he turned it into a motivator. He'd spoken to everyone but Jyn about this ridiculous plan of his, and he'd secured a plane to take them to the Citadel Tower, where the weapon was kept. He only had to find Jyn now.

The last time they'd spoken, she'd called him a terrorist and he'd called her apathetic. They'd screamed at each other, hurled words like weapons. Would she even believe him?

Cassian walked through the compound, searching for her. She was nowhere to be found. With a sense of urgency, he sprinted through the double doors and out across the grass. His trained eyes scanned the area.

A lake sat on the edge of the pine forest. The silhouette of a slight figure stood on its bank. When he saw her, he pulled up short. He knew that posture, those curves, and that small frame well now. In a few hours, he'd be taking her to a slaughter, if she chose to come.

 _Funny,_ he thought. _Four days ago I'd rather had put a bullet in her head than talk to her._

Cassian took a breath and crossed the space between them. The grass muffled his footfalls. He didn't announce his presence, just stopped next to her. He stared out across the water with his hands clasped behind his back, ever a soldier. The stars above were slowly twinkling out of sight as the pale light of early morning took their place. The glassy surface of the water reflected the trees surrounding the opposite bank, and the soft light in the sky. A gentle breeze blew across it from the East, caressing Cassian's face too gently for the eve of such a dangerous task.

He was acutely aware of her presence. He regretted their fight, he realized. Such a short time with her, and they'd wasted it arguing. The silence stretched on until the tension between them fell apart, and he let himself feel her closeness through the foot of space between them.

He searched for the words to begin the chore of telling her about the mission. He knew that she was thinking about the convention. Bitterly, it looked like, judging by her expression. So he said, "They were never gonna believe you."

Her mouth turned into a thin line, and he instantly knew she hadn't forgiven her for the argument or for lying to her. "I appreciate the support," she spat.

Cassian looked at her, then turned his gaze back to the lake. "But I do. I believe you."

That got her attention. Her penetrating eyes glanced at him curiously. The mistrust she wore like armor prevented her from believing him, just as he'd thought.

He drew in a deep breath, knowing he had to do better. The words caught in his throat, and he forced them out, trying to keep his voice even. "I've done terrible things on behalf of REBELLION," he confessed, refusing to look at her. "I'm a spy, a saboteur, an assassin. Everything I did, I did for my country. And every time I walked away from something I wanted to forget, I told myself that it was for a cause that I believe in. A cause that's worth it."

Something made him look at her then. Maybe it was the desire to gauge her reaction, maybe he wanted to see the mistrust fade from her eyes, or maybe he just wanted to look into eyes when he said the last part. He was doing the impossible: being honest with someone. He needed to see the look in her eyes. "Without a cause, everything I've done would have been for nothing. I couldn't live with myself. I couldn't live with myself if I gave up now."

He watched her sage-green eyes soften. She studied him, and he got the uncomfortable notion that he wasn't as hard to read as he hoped. She seemed to find what she was looking for, because her cheeks turned the color of the rose-tinted sky, and she looked down. She was surprised. Whatever she'd expected, that hadn't been it.

Finally, she looked up and met his gaze. Her stare was penetrating, but not in the calculating way he'd always seen it. She was seeing him differently, as if she'd never truly _looked_ at him before. "I'm… not used to people sticking around when things go bad," she admitted.

He nodded slowly, knowing it was true, but unable to appreciate just _how true_ it was. Cassian looked into her eyes and leaned in a little. "Welcome home," he whispered.

It made his heart clench to see her reaction. She smiled, the guarded look fell from her eyes, and the pain nearly disappeared. It seemed so cruel, he thought, to welcome her to a place only to lead her to her death hours later. The world had taken from her as much as it had taken from him. If he could give her this, this sense of belonging, this understanding of some place she could come back to, then maybe he could forgive himself some of the other things.

He wasn't sure why that look of hope on her face brightened the morning more effectively than the sun. Then, it made sense. She'd given him hope. She'd resurrected that tiny part of his soul that still believed something as beautiful as faith still existed.

 _"REBELLION is built on hope,"_ he'd told her. He'd said that to assure her that what they were doing was giving hope to others. And somewhere along the track of this crazy rollercoaster of the past four days, she'd gone and given him hope, too.

They'd likely die on the suicide mission he'd arranged, but they would die giving others hope. And thanks to her, he'd die with hope, too. That was a gift he'd never be able to thank her for.


	3. Sparring - August 30, 2014

Since Operation Fracture, Cassian Andor's routine had become rigid as a board, predictable to the minute. For some reason, that consistency helped him. It didn't stop the nightmares or the guilt, but it made them easier to deal with in the morning. He simply focused on the next thing on his list.

He finished his bitter, black coffee, and walked to the training room that took up the lower level of REBELLION base. The far wall was lined with lockers. He found his, and entered in the lock combination. He changed into an old, white t-shirt, taped up his hands, and grabbed his choice of pistol.

For the first thirty minutes, he blew the heads off of targets. Over and over and over. He wore ear protection only because he knew he couldn't afford to lose his sense of hearing. It had saved him too many times out in the field. The blast of gunfire was so familiar to him it was almost comforting. It would be, if it didn't bring scenes of death and blood racing to the forefront of his mind. The most recent thoughts were from the storming of the Citadel Tower, soldiers being mowed down on every side. Thirty minutes was about all he could take before the memories crowded too close together.

He packed up his pistol and ran five times around the jogging track. Then he did thirty pushups, one hundred sit-ups, fifty crunches, and forty pullups. He always finished at the same time every morning: 7:35.

After that, he walked to the boxing rings that REBELLION agents used for sparring. He always used the far left mat, farthest away from the door and everyone else in the room. He preferred not to have an audience. It was too distracting. Usually, he fought whoever was there. Occasionally Kay would come down and the two of them would spar.

This time, the figure standing beside the mat surprised him. Jyn Erso in a tank top and sweatpants, barefoot, with her hair thrown up into a messy ponytail. She was messing with her phone, clearly waiting for something. She looked up at Cassian's approach.

Jyn smirked at him. "Predictably on time, Andor." She swung over the ropes and onto the mat, placing her phone on the ground.

Cassian's brow furrowed. He'd never seen her in the training room before, much less on the same sparring mat he used. "What are you doing?"

"Beating the crap out of you, if you ever get up here."

He would never admit that he was unsure. He pulled his boots and socks off, and climbed through the ropes to face her. Her small hands were wrapped expertly in the same white tape that his hands were decorated with. He noticed a scar on her shoulder. The way she stood told him that she still favored her right side.

"You sure about this?" he asked, giving her a chance to back out.

"Are you?" she challenged.

Cassian sighed, and shifted into a defensive position. She stayed upright and watched him. He'd seen what she could do with truncheons, and he got the feeling that she wasn't the one in danger of having something broken.

She came in with a simple left hook. He defended it easily. He grabbed her wrist, pulling her in for a long knee. She dropped her arms, blocked the blow. She crashed her elbow below his chin. Cassian let go of her, staggering back a step from the force of the blow. She used the opening to knee him in the gut. Cassian dove to the side and rolled. He jumped up behind her and wrapped an arm around her neck, pulling tight.

Jyn struggled to breathe. Cassian hissed in her ear, "I've been doing this longer, Erso. Try harder."

With a growl of frustration, she flipped him over her back and onto the mat. Jyn brought her heel down in an ax kick. Cassian rolled sideways and gripped her ankle. Jyn jumped and smacked him in the face with her other foot, making him release her. Cassian quickly recovered and staggered up. Jyn stepped back, giving him room. He came at her again, jabbing for her abdomen. When she went to block, he swung for her head. His fist caught her cheek.

"You're pulling your punches!" he heard a familiar British voice shout.

It appeared Jyn caught onto that, too. She closed the distance. He'd seen her do this before, and knew he was in trouble. He tried to widen it again, but she wasn't having that. She was small and thin. Her best weapons were her knees and elbows, and closed distance was her friend. She got in several good jabs, including a well-aimed elbow to his throat.

Cassian caught her wrist and twisted it hard. He dropped under a right hook and yanked her arm up her back. She stomped on his foot hard, but he didn't let go. She drew her right arm forward and slammed it back, striking him where she knew a broken rib was still healing.

White-hot pain coursed through Cassian's side. With a shout of pain, he let go. He expected another two, maybe three blows to finish him off. They never came. Jyn stepped back, letting him recover. That was almost worse. He glanced up and saw Kay standing with his arms crossed, watching. Several other agents had also turned their attention to the match. Kay shook his head at him.

Cassian drew in a deep breath, letting it fill him with anger. He turned to Jyn, and launched into a series of quick attacks, all aimed at diversion rather than injury. The final hit was a powerful blow to her abdomen. She lost her footing and gripped his shirt as she fell. Her right foot caught his left shin. Combined with her weight, that pulled him down, too.

Cassian landed squarely on top of her. She grunted as his weight hit her. He quickly positioned his right forearm over her throat and his left forearm on the mat beside her head. He felt her chest rise and fall with each panting breath, and tried to ignore it.

The look in her eyes was fierce, and he braced himself for retaliation. But just as quickly, it was gone. Sweat gleamed on her skin and dampened her hair near her face. He resisted the urge to brush the strands away.

Time seemed frozen and the training room melted away. Something tugged at Cassian's gut, a long dormant desire that made him extremely uncomfortable. The harshness in Jyn's face disappeared and somehow he knew that she felt it, too. The fantasy of her underneath him in a much more romantic setting drifted through his mind. He pushed it violently away.

Cassian felt her hands find his sides. He wasn't sure if she was setting up a defensive move, or if she just wanted to touch him. Both possibilities were equally terrifying. The intensity in her eyes pulled at him, drawing him in. Their faces were only inches apart.

"Give up, Erso?" he breathed.

Something flickered across her face, some sort of secret understanding. He couldn't begin to guess what it meant. "Rematch?" she requested.

"Tomorrow," he promised.

He stayed on top of her for a moment longer. She smirked, and said, "You waiting for something, or do you just like being on top of me?"

Suppressed laughed filled Cassian's ears, and he remembered with a jolt that there were other people around. His face heated up, and he prayed the exertion from the match hid it. He forced a smirk, and replied, "Just making sure you're not going to stab me the moment my back is turned."

Keeping his right arm on her neck, he reached down her leg and pulled up the fabric of the left pants leg. She smirked at him as he unhooked the knife strapped to her calf. He brought it up close to her face so she could see it. "Yeah, don't think I didn't notice this little number when you got on the mat."

She glanced at the knife and shrugged. "Got to keep you on your toes, Cassian." He shivered as she said his name. She noticed, and her smirk widened. "I wasn't going to use it."

"I believe you." He said. He felt her fingers grip the damp fabric of his shirt. "All the same, I think I'll keep it with me." He sat up, and she let go of him.

She stayed on her back until he stood up. He reached down and offered her a hand. As he'd expected, she didn't take it. Her tiny wince as she pushed herself up did not go unnoticed. He didn't ask if she was okay. Cassian climbed through the ropes and picked up his shoes.

"Hey, when do I get my knife back?" Jyn called.

Cassian shrugged. "You can win it back tomorrow," he called over his shoulder. The look on her face and the after effects of the adrenaline drew his mouth into a smile.

She looked surprised to see it. The arrogant smirk faltered. Jyn quickly recovered, and smiled back. A genuine smile, he noted, and it did wonders for her countenance. "Count on it," she promised.

He walked back to his locker, studying the knife as he changed shirts. It was a hunting knife, small and lethal, but not uncommon, sharp as a scalpel. He imagined she was a whiz at using it. She could probably gut him like a fish with one slice.

"What was that?"

He half-turned to see Kay standing behind him. Feigning ignorance, he said, "It was a fight."

"It was alarming, that's what it was," Kay argued. "And fight, it most certainly was not. You know, for a second there I thought you were going to undress her."

"Don't be stupid, Kay." Cassian pulled his socks and boots back on.

"Alright, then what was that?"

Cassian stopped. He tried to find an answer. He looked back over his shoulder, and saw her in the corner of the training room pulling her damp tank top off and stowing it back in her duffel. The sports bra underneath the top wasn't showy, but Cassian had to look away. The heat in his face did not bode well, nor did the confusing palpitations in his chest.

 _Trouble,_ Cassian thought to himself. _It was trouble._


	4. Waking Up - May 25, 2015

Cassian Andor was no stranger to waking up in strange places. It came with the job. It was completely normal for him to wake up in an unusual hotel, or on a mat on a dirty floor, on even on a cot in a hospital room. But waking up in a woman's bed was completely new.

True, his job did require a certain amount of playacting, and occasionally seduction. He was a government spy; it was what he did. He knew how to charm the pants off a woman. But he never fell asleep with her, so he never woke up in her bed. Never.

But there he was, in Jyn Erso's bedroom, with early morning light pouring in through the window. And there she was, with that same light making her soft hair shine, with the sheets pulled up around her.

He hadn't intended to stay the night. He hadn't intended to get so wrapped up in her that he couldn't remember his own name. How had a simple conversation in her living room ended with him waking up beside her the next morning? Had she drugged him?

An absurd thought, and he pushed it away immediately. It was more like he was drunk, anyway. At least, that's what it had felt like. But they hadn't consumed any alcohol. He'd been drunk on _her_. The thought sent a wave of self-loathing through him.

Cassian looked down at Jyn's sleeping form. Her head rested near his shoulder, so close that her nose grazed his skin. Her hand lay on his chest, her index finger over a scar he'd won in a knife fight in Cairo two years back.

He noticed for the first time a sprinkling of freckles over her nose. They made her look younger, somehow. Ha had to admit, for all the reservations he'd had about her when they'd first met, that she was a gorgeous woman. Naturally gorgeous, without makeup or plastic surgery or anything else.

Cassian tore his gaze from her and squeezed his eyes shut. He was getting distracted. No, he wasn't _getting_ distracted, he'd _been_ distracted since she'd first kissed him the night before. He swallowed back a curse as he ran a hand through his dark hair. He thought about the way she'd looked in the dim light, and the way she'd _looked at him_ , and if she could see straight through him… and loved what she saw.

He was in deep trouble.

Jyn Erso was a criminal who just happened to have connections with someone the his superior needed. She had a talent for causing problems and creating fights out of nothing. But she'd gone with him on a suicide mission. She'd thrown herself headlong into danger for the same reason he did: To preserve and protect freedom. They'd fought together and nearly died together. Maybe that had bonded them in a way he hadn't planned for.

He'd been avoiding her for months after that mission, and now he knew why. She affected him in a way that no one else ever had, and it terrified him. He was losing himself to her. He couldn't need her, couldn't form a connection with her because his job wouldn't allow it. Personal connections made his work that much harder. He would become distracted in the field, and that led to capture or death. No, he could never love anyone, not even her.

But it was difficult to deny the stirring in his chest when he looked at her curled up next to him.

Cassian reached up and gently took her hand. He moved it slowly away from him, and scooted farther away from her so he wouldn't wake her when he sat up. He stretched, feeling the stiffness in his muscles, and stood. He pulled his pants on and quietly slipped out of her bedroom.

That was it, he decided. One night. It wouldn't happen again.

The look in her eyes as she gazed at him last night pierced his heart like a knife. Jyn was in love with him. He'd been a complete idiot for letting it get this far. Now he'd have to break her heart to stop things from escalating further.

The least he could do was make her breakfast first, right?

Cassian rummaged through her refrigerator and panty, and pulled out bread, eggs, milk, butter, cinnamon, and vanilla extract. He wasn't exactly a gourmet chef, but he could make French toast. He set a pot of coffee to brew, and sliced the bread. He put together the mixture of eggs, vanilla, milk, and cinnamon, and set the slices in the bowl to soak.

A violent vibration in his pocket indicated a very pissed-off friend. He knew who was calling before he saw the number: Kay Tuesso, a strategist-turned-field operative who was the closest thing Cassian had to a friend.

With a sigh of frustration, he answered. "Kay, what's up?"

"'What's up?'" the sarcastic voice replied. " _What's up_ is you're not back on site yet, and you leave for Ukraine in four hours!"

"I didn't hear anything about an assignment in Ukraine."

"That's because you just got it. Draven's looking for you. He told me to find out where the hell you are. So where are you?"

Cassian glanced around the kitchen, and seized a believable lie. "I went to a bar last night," he said. "Got a hotel room after that. Needed a few hours to myself."

Kay wasn't fooled. "Don't even try lying to me, Cassian. You went to Jyn's last night to brief her on the complications regarding her citizenship in the US."

"Yeah, and I went to a bar after that." Cassian let a note of impatience creep into his voice. "I needed a stiff drink after talking to her."

"Where are you right now?"

"Eating breakfast at a diner."

"Then why don't I hear other voices in the background?"

"Because it's a run-down place and nearly empty. I'll be back in an hour or two. There's something I've got to take care of first."

"Like fixing whatever problems arose from Jyn-"

"Can it, Kay!" Cassian snarled. A wave of frustration crashed inside of him. He was done playing. "You know damn well I put my work before anything! In all the years you've known me, have I ever once jeopardized that? We both know I do my best when I'm cut off from distractions, and sleeping with Erso would be just that: a distraction! For the love of God, give me some credit."

Kay was silent a moment. "Very well. I'm sorry I doubted you. Return as soon as you can. I'll inform Draven of where you are."

Cassian hung up. He put his phone down and leaned against the counter, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. The anger subsided, leaving bitter self-loathing. First he had to handle Jyn, and then apologize to Kay. Ukraine was looking down-right attractive compared to the highly volatile situation he was in now.

"A distraction, huh?"

Cassian sighed again before turning to face Jyn. She stood with her arms crossed, wearing his shirt. It was, of course, too big on her, falling to her upper-thighs, and slightly transparent. Was she trying to drive him crazy?

"I'm sorry I woke you," he apologized. "Kay was just asking where I am."

"I assume you lied?" Her British accent was in welcome contrast to Kay's.

"Of course I did." He turned back to the food, and placed the slices of bread in the heated frying pan. He listened to the sizzle of the soggy bread cooking, and grabbed a spatula.

"Should I be preparing myself for something?" she asked. "I mean, you don't strike me as the kind of man to make anyone breakfast."

She certainly was sharp. He waited until the food was finished before responding. He poured the coffee and fixed it how she liked it, cut up an apple, and placed two slices of French toast on a plate. She sat down as he placed the food on the table before her.

Whatever way he said it, he knew it would hurt her. He could at least show her that he had enough respect for her to tell her the truth. "Jyn, what happened last night can't happen again," he said. "You know it can't."

Far from being crushed, she gave him an amused smile. "I thought you might say that." She took her fork and cut off a bite of toast with the edge of it before placing it in her mouth.

Cassian watched her for a moment. "Jyn, it was-

"A mistake? A distraction?" she guessed. "Incredible? An unusual break from the normal mantra of your life?"

He shrugged. "All of the above. But you admit that it was a mistake?"

"No, I don't think it was a mistake. For one, I really enjoyed something for the first time in years. And for another, I think you did, too."

He found himself unable to deny it. "Regardless, it was a mistake." He paused, meeting her eyes. "Jyn, there can't be anything more than professionalism between us. My occupation won't allow it. I can't have weaknesses."

"You think I'm a weakness?"

He paused for a beat. "Yes."

Cassian watched Jyn think through what he was saying. She still didn't seem saddened by it, or even perturbed. Maybe he'd read her wrong. Maybe that look in her eyes wasn't love, but simply the chemical reaction in the brain from being that intimate with someone after years of barely being touched. Perhaps he didn't have a place in her heart from which to break it.

"You're wrong," she finally said. It wasn't the desperate plea of a devastated girl, but the simple statement of fact. "It will happen again. I don't know when. It could be this morning, or next week, or a decade from now, but it'll happen."

Cassian sighed and shook his head. Wasn't she hearing what he was saying? "How do you know that?"

"Because you're still here."

The statement was almost like a deathblow. He couldn't argue against that; he was still there.

Jyn continued. "You fell asleep after I did, and you probably woke a good thirty minutes before me. You had every chance to get up and leave, like you leave the scenes of all the other mistakes you make, but you didn't. You stayed. You stayed to sleep next to me, you stayed to watch me sleep before you got up, you stayed to make me breakfast, and you stayed to explain why all of this was just one huge, monumental, blunder. You could have left a note. You could have run. You could have made excuse after excuse until we both believed them. But you didn't. You stayed."

Cassian stared at her for a long moment, contemplating the implications of her argument. The impulse to run gripped him, and he pushed it down. She was right.

"You know," Jyn said softly, "last night was only the fourth time I've seen you smile. I mean a real smile. And I'd never heard you laugh before, either." She stared into his eyes with something disturbingly like conviction. "Cassian, I'm not an idiot. I know you feel something for me."

Her bluntness unsettled him. She'd never been one to beat around the bush about anything, but this was bordering on impertinence. He told her as much.

She rolled her eyes. "At least one of us is. You can't even admit the obvious." She finished her breakfast and carried the plate to the sink. "I don't really care what you do when you leave," she said. "Just don't lie to yourself. You're better than that."

"I need my shirt back," he said, changing the subject. "I'm being deployed to Ukraine this afternoon, and it might cause suspicion if I go back to base without a shirt."

Jyn shrugged. "Alright." She walked back to her bedroom and closed the door. Cassian was thankful she hadn't taken it off in front of him. He cleaned up the dishes while he waited.

Her words played over in his mind as he picked them apart. Their insinuations, and then her blunt accusation would have been amusing if they hadn't been so true. Dammit, he never should have stayed this long.

He heard the bedroom door open and her bare feet pad closer. He sent up a quick prayer that she'd be in something at least relatively decent, and turned. He let out the breath he'd been holding. She was wearing a simple shirt and jeans, holding his shirt out to him.

He took it, and slid his arms through the sleeves, buttoning it up quickly. "Thanks," he grunted.

"Sure." She watched him for a moment. "Be careful out there."

"Always am."

"You never are," she argued.

He finished, and looked at her. Her green eyes sparkled in the light, and her messy hair was bathed in the golden rays shining through the window. She truly was gorgeous.

Neither of them said anything more. He hesitated just long enough to make his retreat seem reluctant before leaving her apartment. He looked back as he drove away, and swore he could see her watching him.

An unsettling feeling clenched his heart, and he knew that she'd been correct. Somehow, sometime, that would all happen again, and next time it would be much harder to put behind him.


	5. Salvation - February 3, 2016

The late-morning light did nothing to lift Cassian's spirits. If anything, it made him more disgusted with himself. He wrote up his reports like a good soldiers, let the medics fuss over him and bandage wounds and put his fractured arm in a sling, and none of it mended the brokenness inside of him.

The mess hall was deserted. He sat heavily on a metal bench in the middle of a table and put his head in his good hand. The nerves in his fingers and palm felt the scar over his cheekbone, the cut in his jaw, and the bandage over his forehead. He wanted to rip the closed wounds open again and bleed out right there, alone. The small, _sane_ part of him was glad he didn't have a weapon in his immediate vicinity, because he'd likely use it against himself.

His tired eyes closed, and he was transported to the battlefield that made up that Ukrainian city. Gang fights, dirty cops, and terrorists made for a cocktail of pure chaos. And Cassian had fought the fight, learned the information, killed the target, done his duty, and _lived._

He'd never been so keenly aware of his own survival, and he'd never felt so _dead_.

The bench under him shivered, but he didn't react. He didn't want to look at anyone, or hear another human voice. He wanted to be alone, to let his demons drag him so far into the darkness of insanity that he'd never climb back to the light. He wanted what he deserved.

But Kay was far too good a friend to let him get what he wanted. "How many?"

The question was simple, and only another spy could truly understand it. Cassian swallowed hard and said, "Nine." His voice sounded thick, and he couldn't keep it steady.

Kay was silent for another moment. "How many were necessary?"

Cassian heard himself laugh; a bitter, cold, vicious sound. "Four," he spat.

Another shock of cold struck his heart. He was discussing people he'd seen fall, people he'd _murdered_ , like they were numbers on a sheet. What could he expect from a strategist, though? Of course Kay asked about them like they were numbers. He'd only ever killed a man during Operation Fracture, and every single one of those had been terrorists. Every one of those had been _necessary._ Maybe Kay didn't understand.

"I think you should talk to Jyn."

The statement finally made Cassian look up. _Talk to Jyn?_ Had Kay really just suggested that? Jyn wouldn't understand. Jyn didn't understand any of this, any of who he was or what he did. She didn't understand REBELLION. She didn't understand why Cassian was a murderer; a calloused, cruel, cold-blooded murderer.

"She doesn't understand," Cassian spoke out loud. It came out like a snarl.

Far from being taken aback, Kay leaned forward and fixed Cassian was an analyzing stare. He knew that Kay was trying to make sense of this sudden burst of hatred for Jyn Erso. He dropped his gaze.

"Alright," Kay said, "I'll admit it: I'm surprised. Why do you think she won't understand? Of all people, I think that Jyn would."

Cassian scoffed. He channeled his self-hatred into a meaningless tunnel. He aimed it all at her. Not too hard, considering he'd been thinking of her when he'd pulled the trigger and missed a shot and killed a little boy.

"Erso's sense of _morality_ is too high. She'd never understand what I do, or why I do it! She can't see past her own mistakes, and her own past. She'll never look beyond all of that. We both know she only completed Operation Fracture because of her father! And once she gets citizenship, she'll run away, and go back into hiding, and we'll never see her again! She's _selfish_!"

Kay's face remained remarkably impassive. For perhaps the first time in the years they'd known each other, Kay was unreadable. He watched Cassian take breath after breath to cool down. Finally, Kay drew a deep breath of his own, and said, "I think you misjudge her."

Cassian was disarmed. Of all the things Kay could say, he'd never dreamed that he would defend her. Kay didn't trust her as far as he could throw her.

"You were gone for a while," Kay continued carefully.

"I know that!" Cassian growled. No one knew that better than him.

"Let me finish. While you were gone, Jyn was cleared. She's now an official citizen of the United States. And the moment she was granted citizenship, she joined REBELLION. I was on her team for her first official mission, led by Kes Dameron. She saved our lives. And she's got her fair share of demons, too. Fracture hit her hard, right where a weaker person would crumple, but not her. She got up, dusted herself off, and chose to fight again." Kay paused. "I misjudged her, too."

A flare of indignation momentarily engulfed Cassian. Didn't he even get to be angry at her? Kay wasn't supposed to like her. He was supposed to encourage Cassian to be furious.

Cassian had no outlet, no release valve, nothing to channel his pent-up anger into. So, unjustly as it was, he aimed it all at her.

"You don't understand," he hissed. "She's not loyal to anything!" He stood quickly and started pacing. "She's the most selfish, self-righteous, prideful woman on the face of the planet. Who the hell hired her!? She'll get us killed! She'll betray us all and get every agent here slaughtered!"

Cassian brought his fist down on the table. An abandoned cup rattled. He leaned against the surface, breathing hard, trying to calm the raging storm inside of him.

"This isn't about you not trusting her," Kay said slowly, "is it?"

Cassian shut his eyes tightly, willing himself away from the swirling storm of mingled self-loathing and confusion. He knew it wasn't. He trusted Jyn with his life, and maybe more than that. That was the problem. She'd gotten to him. She'd dug in under his skin, made a home in his heart, and he'd have to cut deep to ever get her out. Like a sickness. Like a cancer.

The memory of that fateful night spent with her had haunted him throughout the 261 days he'd spent in Europe and the Middle East. Every time he slept, he dreamed of her. Her intoxicating kiss, her memorizing eyes, every detail of her had been seared into his mind, and he couldn't get her out. She'd distracted him, and it had cost a mother her son, a sister her brother, and a boy his life.

REBELLION used Cassian like a scalpel, cutting precisely where they needed, getting exactly what they wanted, and letting the victims bleed out after. Jyn Erso had dulled him, blunted the edge he needed to do his job and follow his orders. He was no longer the perfect tool.

"She's ruined me, Kay," Cassian murmured, his voice breaking, the anger gone.

"I think she's rather made an improvement," Kay objected.

"I can't do my job. I can't sacrifice myself like I have to. I can't focus. How can you say that's an improvement?"

Kay gave him a small smile. It was a kind one, devoid of the usual sarcasm. "I think I can say it's an improvement because I care about you. You can't see the good it's doing you because you refuse to see the good in yourself."

"There _is_ no good left in me."

Kay tilted his head and gave Cassian another calculating look. "I disagree." He paused. "So you did sleep with Jyn."

It was a statement, not a question. Cassian hesitated, but nodded slightly, just enough to be detected.

"Jyn told me," Kay confessed. Cassian sent him a withering look. He shrugged. "I may have badgered her until she told the truth."

Cassian sighed. "Who else knows?"

"Dameron. But he guessed it, and made a pretty suggestive comment, and she gave it away by blushing."

Kay and Dameron. Between the two of them, the entire organization could know within the week. Part of Cassian wanted to kill both of them to keep them silent, but the other part didn't care what they did. So he and Jyn had slept together. It wasn't that unordinary, and it didn't mean there was a romance between them.

But there was, he realized. At least, there was more to it than just a one-night stand. She meant more to him than could have been created in one night. It had started as far back as Israel, when she'd saved that little girl from the crossfire between Saw's rebels and the terrorist gunmen. His ruin had begun as early as that.

"Kay, she's destroyed me," Cassian whispered.

"Now, don't be dramatic-"

"I missed a shot because I was thinking of her. It hit a little boy in the face."

Kay stopped and gave Cassian a long, sad look. It was the look of man who had just solved a puzzle, and found none of the satisfaction he'd been expecting. He searched for the words to say, and seemed to have trouble finding them.

"There's more to life than fighting, Cassian," he said at last. The words were excruciatingly slow, as if Kay didn't want him to miss a syllable. "You know that, don't you?"

Cassian shook his head. "Not for me," he hissed. As he heard those words finally pronounced, one of the most tragic wounds of his heart revealed itself. Every fantasy, every dream of another life, amounted to just that: fiction. The wild dreams of a desperate, lonely man.

He'd always known that he'd die fighting for his country. But after he'd escaped the Citadel Tower alive, he'd foolishly allowed himself to start daydreaming about surviving other things. It had weakened him. It had made him think too long and too hard about Jyn. It had made him let her fall in love with him. And it had been the thing that pushed the logical arguments aside and let him fall in love with her, too.

He wasn't a dreamer. He never had been. He was a tool for the dreamers to use.

He had no place dreaming of things for himself.

"Talk to Jyn." This time, it wasn't a suggestion. It was an order.

"And tell her what?" Cassian asked. "That she's broken me?"

"That you love her," Kay corrected. "You've got it all wrong. Jyn hasn't broken you, Cassian, she's saving you. Before she came, there wasn't much of you left. She's resurrecting the parts of you that you've foolishly sacrificed. The confusion and pain you're feeling… that's what salvation feels like. So stop fighting it."


	6. Critical - February 13, 2016

Cassian pulled up until his chin tucked over the metal bar, and extended his arms again. The muscles in his arms strained, but he knew he had a few more chin-ups left in him. He managed another ten before dropping to the mat for push-ups.

"Already at five minutes," Kes Dameron announced. "Are you even trying?"

Cassian didn't waste energy on responding. While he was busting his butt Dameron was literally kicked back in a lawn chair drinking iced tea. What had he been thinking, partnering with Dameron for Wednesday morning training? Kes would pay hell when Cassian's turn came to supervise.

 _"Andor and Dameron, report to General Draven's office,"_ a woman's voice said over the speakers. _"Andor and Dameron to General Draven's office."_

Cassian stood up with a grunt and massaged his left arm. He was still technically recovering from his last mission in Ukraine. He and Dameron shared a look.

"Wonder what Rusty's got for us this time," Kes mused. He took another swig of tea before straightening up.

Cassian merely shrugged. It was a little odd that Draven wanted both of them, but he could have any number of reasons. Guessing was useless. He crossed over to his locker and changed shirts.

"So," Kes said, "you and Erso, huh?"

Cassian sighed. He'd known it wouldn't be long before Dameron commented on the information he knew. If anything, he was surprised it had taken him this long. He'd already overheard bits of whispered gossip involving speculations about his relationship with Jyn, but until now, the only person who'd mentioned it to his face was Kay. Who let the cat out of the bag, Cassian wasn't sure, but his money was on Dameron.

"What about it?" Cassian asked, pulling on an old pair of combat boots.

Kes smirked and crossed his arms. "Oh, nothing. Just never thought that you of all people would fall for a chick like her."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, that was a nice way of saying I didn't think you had it in you to fall for anyone. And Jyn's a real piece of work. Still haven't gotten over that fractured rib she gave me during her extraction."

"Who the hell said I'd fallen for her? Yeah, we slept together, but it was strictly a one-time thing."

Kes rolled his eyes as Cassian stood and marched out of the room. He fell into step beside him. "You stayed the night. Now maybe it's just the genius spy in me, but that does seem to indicate some sort of… romantic attachment, as Tuesso would say."

"Look, I'm getting enough of this from Kay. It's got nothing to do with you."

"Whatever you say. I just think that you should think really hard about what it meant to Jyn, and what _you_ mean to Jyn. She's a great gal, and I'd hate to see her heart get broken."

They reached Draven's door just as Cassian uttered an emphatic, "Screw off." The General was seated behind his desk with his usual grave expression plastered on his worn face. Wispy rust-colored hair with streaks of grey in it had given him the nickname "Rusty", though no agent would dare say it to his face. Draven's reputation as a hard-nosed, loud-mouthed military man with enough brains to outsmart the Russians had earned him a place of respect in the minds of his agents. He'd been given the job of head of REBELLION intelligence by the President himself, and he was excellent at it.

"Sit," he said.

Cassian and Kes both obeyed, sitting down in the hard office chairs on the opposite side of the desk from the General. Draven fixed them both with his cold eyes, folded his hands, and leaned forward.

"Agent Rase Antinian has turned," he said evenly. "He's placed one of our best in critical condition, and gone off our radar. He was last seen in Cadiz six hours ago. Your mission is to find him, and bring him in for questioning."

Cassian stared directly at the General's unfeeling eyes as he processed this information. It was a deep betrayal, but no surprise to Cassian. Antinian had been one of REBELLION's best agents, yes, but there had always been something off about him.

With a much deeper shock, Cassian remembered that Kay had said Jyn was on a mission with Antinian, based in Cadiz. Ice cold dread coursed through him as he opened his mouth to ask who the wounded agent was.

Dameron beat him to it. "Sir, who's the agent?"

"Jyn Erso," Draven replied.

Cassian felt like he'd stabbed in the gut. _No._ "Where is she?" he demanded.

Draven checked his watch. "She should be arriving in the Infirmary now."

Cassian jumped up and turned to rush out of the room. Dameron grabbed his arm and shoved him back down.

Draven pretended not to notice. He was in a tough position. He'd heard the rumors about Andor and Erso that had been circulating the base, and it was completely against protocol to allow Andor to go on a mission if he had any sort of personal agenda. But Draven also knew that personal agendas could drive an agent to go above and beyond. Andor was impersonal, so Draven had never once seen him emotionally compromised by someone or something. He was interested to see what a personal attachment would do for Andor's performance.

"I don't need to tell you the importance of finding Antinian. Our window is closing. You have 48 hours. You leave immediately. A jet is already prepared to take you to Cadiz. You'll find more information in a folder in the pilot seat. Dismissed."

Cassian wasted no time in leaving the office. He had to see Jyn before he left. He _had_ to know that she was alive. He tore down the hallways and up two flights of stairs. With each step, the fear inside him mounted, threatened to rip him in two. The lights of the hallways and the people he passed blurred around him.

He emerged from the stairwell and saw Jyn on a stretcher, being moved into surgery. She was pale, and her shirt was stained red. He sprinted for her, and reached for the door as it swung shut.

A hand gripped his shirt and spun him. He felt his back hit the wall with enough force to daze him. He blinked hard and saw Kay's worried face staring at him. Kay was gripping his shirt with both hands, keeping him pinned to the wall.

"Let go!" Cassian snapped. He tried to fight Kay, but his friend's grip was too strong.

"Cassian," Kay hissed, "you do not want to see her like that. Trust me."

As the words sank in, Cassian's knees felt weak. He stopped fighting, and swallowed hard. "Is she…?"

"She's alive, but barely. She's in bad shape. Her chances of survival are… they're not good."

Cassian drew a shaky breath, trying to push away the panic. He looked past Kay at the closed door, behind which Jyn lay on a stretcher in a cold, sterile room, her life in the hands of arrogant doctors. She was too important to be placed in human hands.

"They need to know who they have in there," Cassian said. "Do they know what she's done, how important she is, what she means to-"

"Cassian, they're the best we've got. They're already doing everything in their power to save her."

"It's time to go."

Cassian and Kay both glanced over and saw Dameron. His sarcastic expression was gone, replaced with grave determination. Cassian knew that was how he should look. He should be calm, cool, collected. He should be restrained.

There was nothing he could do for Jyn except catch the man who'd hurt her. He took a breath and buried his fear, turning what he couldn't bury into anger he could control.

He looked at Kay, and Kay looked back at him until he was convinced that Cassian wouldn't make a break for the surgery door. He stepped back and released him. Cassian pushed away from the wall and nodded at Kes. Dameron turned and led the way to the hanger.

Cassian looked to Kay. The anxiety couldn't be masked completely, and Kay saw right through it. "Stay with her," he begged. His voice broke. The fear and desperation in his eyes was something Kay had never seen before. "Do not leave her side. If she… if she doesn't make it, I want her to have a friend with her."

Kay nodded. "I promise she won't die alone. Now go get the bastard."


	7. Unforgivable - February 15, 2016

Cassian leaned against the massive container stacked near the Cadiz docks. He checked his watch. He still hadn't synchronized it with the time in Cadiz, but he did the math in his head, adding six hours to the numbers shown on his timepiece. That gave him 6:22 in the morning.

A light breeze tinted with the smell of saltwater combed through his hair. He checked in with Dameron. No sign of Antinian on his end, either. They'd followed all the leads they could, and the very last one had them pretty convinced he'd try to leave the island by boat on that dock.

Cassian hadn't slept in nearly two days. A feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach had followed him everywhere. He was far from peak capacity.

Jyn had definitely ruined him.

"You sure you're up for this?" Dameron asked.

Cassian thought again of Jyn's all but lifeless form being moved into surgery. "Don't worry about me. Worry about that bastard if I ever get my hands on him."

"Draven wants him alive," Dameron reminded him. "Unless we find him dead, we need to keep him that way."

Cassian sighed. "I'm gonna check in with Kay. Inform me the second you see anything." Cassian turned his mic off and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed Kay's number, and hesitated. Kay hadn't answered any of his calls yet. With a great effort, he pressed the call button and held the device to his ear.

It rang four times, but eventually Kay's voice came over the other end. _"Do you know what time it is?"_

"How is she?" Cassian didn't waste any time. He needed an update on Jyn. The lack of information was killing him.

There was a long pause. _"She was in surgery for sixteen hours. She flat-lined twice, but the doctors brought her back. Right now she's in a coma."_

Cassian cursed under his breath and leaned his head back. He swallowed hard. "Injuries?"

 _"It looks like she and Antinian got into a fist-fight, judging by the state of her body; she's covered in bruises. Bullet wound in her abdomen. It missed all her vital organs. But… there's something else. There are small traces of poison in her system. It's faint, and the doctors can't pinpoint exactly what it is, but it seems to be attacking her nervous and muscular systems."_ There was another pause. _"Cassian, even if she does pull through, there's a real possibility of permanent brain damage and paralysis."_

Cassian let the information sink in. Poison? That added another incentive to find Antinian.

"I'll find out what poison," he promised. "Are you with her?"

 _"I'm sitting next to her right now. I haven't left her side for longer than absolutely necessary, like you asked."_

Cassian swallowed hard and cleared his throat. His vision blurred, and he blinked hard. "Thank you, Kay."

 _"Have you caught him yet?"_

"No. We're steaking out the docks right now. We think he'll try to escape."

 _"Well, hurry up. I'm sure she'd rather have you here than me."_

"Just stay with her, and make sure she's comfortable."

 _"Roger that. Give Antinian hell for me, will you?"_

"It'll be my pleasure."

A shadow streaked through Cassian's peripheral vision. He turned quickly, and saw a figure in black disappear between two lines of crates. Before waiting for verification, he took off after him. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and drew his gun.

"I've got eyes on Antinian!" he shouted, switching his mic back on. "In pursuit now. Cut him off!"

 _"Copy!"_ Dameron's confirmation came back.

Cassian stopped and pressed his back to a crate. He held the gun steady and carefully peered into the alley. A shot when off, and he ducked back. Cassian turned and pressed his chest to the container and looked around. He held the gun out and fired two shots.

The figure turned and jumped. He grabbed hold of the top crate and pulled himself up. Cassian followed close behind. The figure dashed across the crates, jumping the larger gaps. He disappeared in between two containers. Cassian followed. A bullet struck the metal by Cassian's head. He jumped for the figure and collided with him.

Cassian gripped the man's wrist and twisted. The gun clattered to the pavement. He felt a sharp blow to his stomach and doubled over. A fist swung for his head. Cassian caught it, and used the momentum to twist him around and slam him against a crate.

Antinian thrust his elbow up and slammed it under Cassian's jaw. He tasted blood. Cassian swung for his face, but Antinian ducked. His hand collided with solid metal. Sparks of pain shot through Cassian's fingers and up his arm. Antinian grabbed the back of Cassian's neck and forced his head down. He brought his knee up to meet Cassian's face.

As he let go, Cassian staggered back. Before he had time to recover, Antinian drew a knife and rushed him. Cassian dodged, grabbed his wrist, and ducked under his arm. He slammed Antinian face-first into another crate and pulled his arm up. Antinian let out a cry of pain. He writhed and struggled, but Cassian only pushed harder. The knife fell from his hand.

Cassian turned him around and struck him. Blood splattered from his nose. He hit him again, and shoved him against the crate. The dull _thunk_ of a head hitting metal echoed through the narrow alley. Antinian slumped to the ground.

Cassian clutched his dark shirt and yanked him up. He pressed his body against Antinian's, making it impossible for the man to escape. Antinian panted. He coughed, and blood splattered Cassian's face and neck. He didn't recoil.

"What did you do to Jyn!?" Cassian demanded. "Tell me!"

Antinian coughed again, and let out a weak laugh. "I knew there was… something going on between… you and Erso," he said between panting breaths.

Cassian didn't have time to play. He reached down and drew a knife from his belt. He held the blade against Antinian's face, letting the cold metal make his demand for him. Antinian grinned, showing bloodied teeth, and said nothing. Cassian dug the blade into his face and pulled, drawing a deep cut. Antinian gritted his teeth and shouted obscenities.

"What poison did you use?" Cassian asked.

"Draven wants me alive," Antinian said.

Cassian scoffed. "You think I give a damn what Draven wants!? WHAT POISON!?"

Antinian didn't say a word. Cassian took the knife and plunged it into the flesh below his collarbone. He sliced up, catching the bone, and twisted the blade. Blood soaked Antinian's shirt and covered Cassian's hand. The traitor's screams filled the morning air.

Cassian sliced down, severing tendons and muscles. Antinian writhed and shrieked. The air Cassian was breathing smelled of blood. He didn't care. He needed the information to save Jyn, and not one part of him gave a crap about the man he got it from.

A had closed around his arm and tugged. "Andor!" Dameron's voice snapped. "Draven wants him alive!"

Cassian hadn't had time to tell Dameron about the poison. He spared Kes a quick glare. "He poisoned Jyn," he snarled. "If we don't find out what he used, she's as good as dead."

"Didn't think… you cared," Antinian choked out.

Dameron's fist collided with Antinian's face. Cassian didn't have time to be surprised. "The next words out of your mouth better be the name of that poison in ever language you know, or what Andor's doing to you now will feel like a tickle compared to what I'll do to you."

Cassian regained enough clarity to remember an important fact: Antinian was a spy. He was made to keep information secret to the death. Cassian knew they needed a different tactic. He shifted gears.

"Moira," he said.

The look in Antinian's eyes changed. He glared at Cassian. "What about her?"

"Daniels is on an assignment a block away from her place," he said. "Tell me what poison you used, or I'll call Daniels and tell him to paint Moira's apartment red."

Antinian's eyes widened. Cassian almost – _almost –_ felt some remorse. "You're bluffing," he hissed.

Cassian glanced at Dameron. "Do it."

Kes stepped back and pulled out his phone. He dialed a number and held it to his ear. After a moment, he said, "Alex, it's Kes. You know where Moira Blake's place is, right? Yeah, Antinian's fiancé. I want you to take the best precision rifle you've got and get a sight on her." He paused. "I know it sounds crazy, but we've got him here. We're trying to break him." Another pause. "Just do it, Daniels. Tell me when you're in position." Dameron hung up and fixed Antinian with a fierce gaze.

"I can still hurt you after she's dead," Cassian hissed. "Tell me the name of the poison."

"You wouldn't give the order." Antinian's voice was rushed now, and Cassian knew he was panicking.

"Let me make this perfectly clear: I would do _anything_ to save Jyn Erso."

Antinian held Cassian's gaze for as long as he could. Cassian saw the exact moment when he'd won. Antinian's eyes fell and his body relaxed in defeat. "Tetrodotoxin," he muttered.

Cassian glanced at Dameron. "My phone's in my right pocket. Call Kay."

Dameron took Cassian's phone and found Kay's number quickly. After a moment, Cassian heard him say, "Tuesso? It's Dameron. We've got the name of the poison used on Jyn. It's 'Tetrodotoxin'." He paused. "Yeah, we've got him. Bringing him in now. Get that name to the doctors and have them run every test they can. I'm sure Cassian will want his girlfriend to be awake when he comes home."

Cassian did his best to keep from reacting to that comment. He kept a straight face. He searched through the files and logs in his mind, trying to remember what Tetrodotoxin did and if there was a cure. He came up blank. He unclipped the handcuffs from his belt. Unable to resist, he punched Antinian in the shoulder. An ugly squelching sound made Dameron look momentarily sick. Antinian's knees shook.

He turned him around and cuffed his hands behind his back. Dameron took hold of Antinian's left arm, and together, they marched back to the REBELLION jet.

"Keep him away from me," Cassian hissed at Dameron as they boarded the jet. "I still might strangle him."

Kes smirked. "Me, too. Nice work, using Moira."

A year ago, Cassian would have thought so, too. But not now. Now, he was a little disgusted with himself. He actually would have given the order to kill an innocent woman. And he'd do it again, if it meant saving Jyn. Jyn Erso, it seemed, was both his salvation and his weakness.

The most unsettling part was he was caring less and less.


End file.
